PUBERTY!!!!!!

Dear Lorenzo,

It's 7:47 a.m. and I'm in the kitchen, talking to you, while Amira gives me my weekly dose of her standard Saturday morning silent treatment.

Every, single, Saturday it's the same thing with this heffa.

She wakes up and calls out for me. I leave the kitchen, bathroom or whatever room I'm in the process of cleaning and go to find her lying woefully in the bed. When I say good morning and ask her how she's doing, she hits me with her weekly refrain of: "Mama, I know that I have swim class today but I really can't go because my stomach aches" or "I have a headache" or "my throat feels scratchy" or...

Aw hell, you get the point. Feel free to insert whatever bullshit excuse you can think of because the end result is always the same.

"Amira, you aren't sick, you're nervous and I totally understand that, but we don't run from things that make us nervous, we give it a try anyway, so you're going to swim class today."

Then I leave her to her melancholia, finish cleaning up, get on the elliptical and by the time we're out the door and on our way to class, she's calmed down enough to ask me, rather icily, if she can use my cell phone. I give it to her, she plays video games and ignores me the entire way to class.

And without fail, by the time class is over, she is jubilant.

"Mama, did you see me? That was so much fun! Can we stay for another class?! I love swimming so much!"

Lorenzo, we go through this EVERY, SINGLE, WEEK!

So in conclusion...thanks a lot for leaving me alone with your pubescent, nightmare of a daughter!!!!!!

Not a day goes by that I don't feel like kicking your ass!