Thank You, Next

Dear Lorenzo,

So...

What's next?

The way I see it, there are really only two choices.

I can continue to sit on my ass, eating potato chips, watching The Goldbergs and allowing life to pass me by or...

I CAN CHOOSE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.

Literally, anything else.

I choose B.

I choose getting off the couch and living again.

I choose NOT letting my depression ruin one more minute of my precious, God-given life.

I choose NOT allowing that drunk driver to have anymore power over me.

I choose to live again.

So...

First things first.

I've rejoined Weight Watchers and am ready to lose this damn weight once and for all.

I'm an emotional eater so it makes sense that I would gain so much weight after you died but...I think there's more to this story than just "I sat on my ass for three years and ate to feel better".

I think this was more than just eating for comfort.

I think that on some fucked up, subconscious level, I purposefully gained weight to avoid being SEEN.

I think that...I didn't want to attract any male attention so...

I got fat.

But...there's got to be a less neurotic way to mourn and frankly, I'm ready to FACE my sadness instead of just attempting to eat it all away.

So...

I will talk about it, write about it, or sing about it from the fucking rooftop if I have to but I will not eat about my sadness anymore.

Step one is facing the pain and losing the weight.

And that's more than enough for right now.