All Me

"Got everything, I got everything. I cannot complain, I cannot."

- Drake

Dear Lorenzo,

It's 11:53 p.m. and I'm exhausted. I should be asleep right now. I should have already taken the two Tylenol PM I need to ensure I get a decent night's rest but...I need to finish this entry first.

My day typically starts at around 5:15 a.m. and today was no different. I woke up, made breakfast and lunch for Amira, worked out for 40 minutes, showered, dressed, and then spent five minutes LITERALLY dragging Amira's ass out of bed. (If you didn't spit this lazy child out...)

After getting her to school (on time!) I took the train downtown and worked for four hours, before going to the grocery store and then back to Mira's school where I let her play at the park with her friends for an hour. We got home, I washed the dishes and made what I foolishly thought was enough dinner for two nights (it was not; if you didn't spit this greedy child out...) before falling into a deep, coma-like sleep the minute Amira went upstairs with Grandma and Aisha.

I'm exhausted...but in the best possible way.

I like my new routine. I like being so busy that I no longer have time to sit on my couch during the day, watching ESPN and crying. I like having to multitask; crocking beans while washing the dishes, doing the laundry while scheduling doctor's appointments. Now that I'm working there's never a dull moment in this house and I'm loving our new routine.

And though I often get lonely, I'm starting to remember all the things I've always loved about being single. I haven't seen one sci-fi flick since you've been gone and God knows I do not miss them. I don't have to compromise about where and when I go on vacation. No more arguing about what to watch first, Empire or Game of Thrones (I no longer watch either show). No more complaining about how much soap I use in the shower, how much money I "waste" on Christmas gifts, or why I insist on wearing my faded, mismatched pajamas. (Because they're comfortable, DAMN IT!) While I miss you with all of my heart, Lorenzo, I do NOT miss your constant stream of criticism any more than you miss any of my annoying characteristics. And that's ok.

I like being in control of my own life again. I like the new life I'm creating for myself. It may not seem like much but...it's all mine.